The ABSENT CHILD

Photo by Sergi Montaner on Pexels.com

For a long time I’ve been gone.

I thought I was there, just like I thought you were…

I made excuses as to why your shoes wasn’t there, I made no sound when I heard your absent voice call my name.

Where were you dad? Where have you been I want to come with you.

Do you need me to walk a little faster to match your pace?

I will.

Please wait for me.

Do you need me to pretend as though you are just a friend, to take the responsibility off your shoulders? I will be your mini best friend.

Dad, I got a boyfriend last Tuesday.

He broke my heart.

Why aren’t you saying anything?

I won’t tell anyone that I saw your ghost, I won’t tell your wife… are you married?

The math question was hard, do you find numbers hard too? Is that a gift I got from you… did you and mommy buy me toys?

We’re the dolls pretty like me daddy?

Daddy?

You’re quite again…

I know I am talking too much.

Do I remind you too much of my mommy?

How do I get a husband? I would like one when I get older.

Let me sit next to you daddy.

Would you like to walk me down the aisle?

Daddy look at me!

Dad!

Are you sleeping?

Do you have to go again?

Daddy please, just this once… don’t leave me.

***

It’s been a while since we talked.

I hope you’re okay, I hope you’re doing fine.

I hate you daddy!

Wait don’t go, I didn’t mean that.

Please stay in my heart, I know if I shut you out you will be gone. You would be too gone to come back home.

Daddy I haven’t bothered you in a while, can I write you a letter?

I have a pain in my tummy, could you rub it better?

Does my writing shows that I am your child?

Is it too different from yours?

Do you love my sister more than…

I can’t.

Daddy!

Please save me.

You see my mind does this thing where it… daddy!

I wasn’t there when mommy called me. I wasn’t there when they bullied me, I wasn’t there in class daddy. I was somewhere else, I was with you.

**

Everybody always leaves.

I sing too daddy, would you like to hear it?

Mommy said you could sing… can we sing together daddy?

Daddy please hug me.

Please cry with me.

Show me that you love me.

***

Mommy never-

Are you listening?

It’s okay daddy, I forgive you.

I wanted to tell you that I finally found my husband.

He’s nice to me daddy, he’s really nice to me.

I ended the cycle, he’s not abusive daddy.

I finally found one who isn’t.

I bought the dress you didn’t help me choose.

It’s okay daddy, I just want to say…

I love you.

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Published by healinghands231

She is a witch, a writer, a fiancée and a queen at healing the masses within. A 24 year old woman, based in the UK, she finds peace in the tarot, peace in the oracle. She breathes humility and a passion to help bring the art of your mind to life in a snap. Bring to her your work, create by night by day and she will be there to help you pursue like a coin displayed on a tray.

12 thoughts on “The ABSENT CHILD

    1. I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced this too, but I am happy that you know that finding the understanding and forgiveness is where the true healing is. Sending continued healing and peace your way🌸💐🌷 thank you so much for your comment and for sharing this with me 🌷

      Liked by 2 people

  1. This is such a story full of pain… I love how you were able to break the cycle of abuse… it seems to be all too common, and maybe if the daddy you know is what you see in a man, it will be what you see in a man… but every now and then it’s possible to find something else.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and for taking the time to interact with me in the comment.

      It was very difficult to write this, but I am alright, thank you so much for caring and for being concerned 😊❤️🌺🙏🏽

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Very poignant and honest writing..Little girls do need their fathers and when they are absent, by death or by their choice…”we little girls” feel it forever. Mine died when I was 11. I was an only child…and he was my world… I never really knew mu mother, until after he was gone.. He was the rock star…my poor mom just carried the equipment…put food on the table. etc. Your piece is well written, feels very real, and very relatable for me personally!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for writing me your story, I liked hearing the bit about your mom, she seem like a lovely supportive lady, and your dad seemed like he was a really good father.

      And thank you so much for the compliment on my writing

      I wish you peace, healing and endless love and comfort 🌷

      Liked by 1 person

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