Anger

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Anger is a natural and mostly automatic response to pain of one form or another (physical or emotional).

Psychology of Anger (mentalhelp.net)

In my case, it was in the form of emotional pain. I feared having to deal with the control I DIDN’T have, over the way he thinks… and this caused me pain… lots and lots of it.

K, enough with the dramatics.

What I assumed? Gave far more of an emotional pain than what was.

The reality is, the focus he had was on one – single – thing. Which was my happiness. I on the other hand, drew a mind map and added seven legs, where he only had one.

You see, he wanted to express to me how much I mean to him, by saying that we will do everything in our power to avoid arguments.

After he learned how I feel during an argument and the mental anguish I go through, coupled with the road works of the crippling headache it causes me when I feel like he’s going to leave me.

It appealed to my anger because I was the one that always… well… started them.

Without defending myself: I am the one with the unique bruises that warrants a more calculated approach that would be to our own advantage, or… well, comfort.

Does it mean that I need to make his life miserable?

No.

Does it mean that I am becoming more aware of HOW to defuse before it infuses?

yes!

Oh but it didn’t end there.

Thoughts that can trigger anger include personal assessmentsassumptionsevaluations, or interpretations of situations that makes people think that someone else is attempting (consciously or not) to hurt them.

When he started typing a message back to me.

offline.

It made me mad.

I like to think of it as being too early to make me upset again, and added on to the issue of appearing offline – the explosion is that much more current.

I thought he was trying to tip toe around me, which would cause me to believe that I am too toxic for a long term relationship – which fuels the fear of him leaving and appeal to my anger to a degree of no hope.

The benefit of the doubt would be that he was trying not to have too loose of a tongue, just in general. It’s easy not to think, before you speak.

***

I apologized for using the word hate one too many times. I believe that it might cause him to become defensive which would make me upset, his defensiveness would be for his own protection from his emotions; not necessarily a defence against a monster (me).

As hard as it was to show love when I was upset, I had to understand that I can’t fight myself. I am not in a boxing ring or in the middle of a poker game where I have to size my opponent up, and act accordingly.

I can’t fight myself because him and I are one, therefore… I can’t fight him.

For more information about anger >>> Understanding Anger Part 3 ‹ Be Inspired..!! ‹ Reader — WordPress.com

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Published by healinghands231

She is a witch, a writer, a fiancée and a queen at healing the masses within. A 24 year old woman, based in the UK, she finds peace in the tarot, peace in the oracle. She breathes humility and a passion to help bring the art of your mind to life in a snap. Bring to her your work, create by night by day and she will be there to help you pursue like a coin displayed on a tray.

11 thoughts on “Anger

  1. I enjoyed this post. I used to really rage and then learned how to better communicate and deal with conflict. I’m not afraid of anger within or from someone else but it no longer controls me. Thanks for writing about it.

    I appreciate you following my blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As someone who prefers to avoid anger, I appreciate your insights and the reminder that it is a natural response in some circumstances. Of course, I’ve had a few moments of rage in my 65 years, but usually not in the presence of the object of my rage. (Perhaps something for me to write about.) I am pulled to these words:: “I thought he was trying to tip toe around me, which would cause me to believe that I am too toxic for a long term relationship – which fuels the fear of him leaving and appeal to my anger to a degree of no hope.” Interesting dynamics for me to ponder in terms of how tiptoeing might be interpreted, even if the intent is only peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. as self-worth develops we have more confidence then there is no need to play games or get angry 🙂 Relationships are not easy but it takes a lot of work on both sides. If you are always waiting for him to leave he will have NO choice but to leave 😦

    Nice to meet you and welcome to WP 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nice to meet you too, thank you for the warm welcome.

      Yes you’re quite right.

      I’ve never had what he shows me, and I know that the fear that pops up sometimes, will disappear became I’m exposing light to it.

      So not only will he be my husband, but he will be the man I live with for the rest of our lives

      Neither of us will be going anywhere 💙

      Thank you again for the warm welcome, and for engaging with me in the comments. I really appreciate it

      Liked by 1 person

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