A cloud over my head

So here’s the thing.

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I was minding my own business, being happy, scrolling on Esty.

Then suddenly there was a hole in my soul, danger in the air and something like a cloud over my head.

I could feel her, it, somebody.

She had a problem with something, she made it hard for me to choose only but a simple thing, a beautiful little diamond ring.

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Why are you sad, is that anger? I am sorry I messed it up, its anger is it?

I reached for my cards, of course I had to choose wisely. I chose the Mary El Tarot. Come save me from this madness, it was a blessing that he couldn’t hear me breathing in the anger and breathing out the frustration.

I was muted, uncontrolled. Feeling like I was in a mad train, I wasn’t strapped in.

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I pulled the six of cups.

I realised that I was carrying something that wasn’t mine to carry. The price of something meant just how much someone cares for you, there’s so much fault in that, there is too much that is wrong with that.

I hate it, but I must write it to purge myself of it.

I remember I gave my mom a gift for her birthday. I wasn’t organised, I hadn’t plan a gift for her five months before, the only thing I could plan for, was a last minute gift – which was a customized necklace and a jumpsuit that was way too big for me.

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I thought of her when I saw that jumpsuit again. I thought the colour would suit her very well, and that she would feel confident in it.

I thought about what it would mean to me to see what her reaction would be.

But lets not go there.

The card and my guides took me to the house I used to live in. The house we moved into, with my now dead… stepfather.

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I remember how my mom would always mention how cheap he was.

Did I internalize that: as a £1 pen meaning that my friend doesn’t love me?

Like that example…

Is it destroying my present and making a plan to destroy my future?

In no way do I identify with it, and in no way am I in denial of it. If it were so, just imagine the things I would do to make sure that my life is not basic.

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Even that word is an insult to me, as it would be for just about anyone else, rich or poor in mind and in reality.

It was a beautiful moment, probably one of the happiest moments in my life. But instead I wanted to fight with him, and the conclusion would have been that I didn’t know why.

He would’ve lost me and I would’ve lost my mind.

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Published by healinghands231

She is a witch, a writer, a fiancée and a queen at healing the masses within. A 24 year old woman, based in the UK, she finds peace in the tarot, peace in the oracle. She breathes humility and a passion to help bring the art of your mind to life in a snap. Bring to her your work, create by night by day and she will be there to help you pursue like a coin displayed on a tray.

9 thoughts on “A cloud over my head

  1. This is a beautiful story, it has a deep thought and important memories. I had a shirt, which I gave to my mom, because I thought that she will look good in it. I also have stepfather….well, going to far with my story already)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 🙏🏽😊

      I’m glad that it touched you and prompted you to recall some of your similar memories.

      It’s okay, share only what you are comfortable with.

      Thank you for sharing this with me, I enjoyed reading it and learning a little about you 🌷

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much, it means a lot to have you say that. This was along the lines of what I wanted to achieve, I am happy to know that it is indeed coming across that way. I wish you nothing but the very best that this life has to offer, may you withstand the hard times and enjoy the best moments with the people you love 💕

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you, I appreaciate it, I even cannot say better words than you did, sometimes english can be a challenge for me, since it is not my native language, but I hope I do not do many mistakes. I wish you to achieve your goals and to have happy, healthy live.

        Liked by 1 person

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